When You're Done Having Babies

Would you believe that I get asked almost daily if we are done having babies?

Yes, daily.

No, I'm not kidding.

While I think this is an incredibly personal decision and people can and should have as few or as many babies as they darn well please, I've reached a different point in my life when I've had to really sit down and think, are we done?

We have always talked numbers of kids or when we reached our end, and while I'm not quite ready to say we are done having kids, I am pretty confident saying that Eloise will be the last baby to grow in my belly. Take that for what you want, things could change, but for now, that's where we are at.

For the past 5 years I have been pregnant, breastfeeding a new baby, chasing around toddlers and never seen or thought of an end to diapers, night time wake up calls and baby cuddles. But I see that end now, I've become pretty comfortable seeing the end, but I have had to ask myself, what now?

I haven't worked in order to take care of the kids and keep them home with me and I have absolutely loved that. I am very lucky that we had that option. I have done a few small projects, volunteer work, but everything has always revolved around my kids. With the twins off at full time school and seeing what that is like, and what my future will be like when all 4 are at school, I've had to really sit back and think about, not my kids, but myself. Gasp!

What do I want to do with my days? What do I want our family to be like when we have school aged kids? Do I want to work? Go back to school? Take a long vacation on a beach when I'm finally done breastfeeding? Ok, that's a given. But what about ME? What do you do when you're done having babies?

It's a different chapter in life and one I knew would come eventually but haven't given it much thought. I'm happy and excited to see how these 4 little miracles turn out but I'm also excited to have more time for myself and what I want to do and figure out what I want to be for this next chapter. I still don't think I know what I want to be when I grow up. At 30. Ya know.

So my question for all of you lovely readers, how did you know you were done? What changed when you were done having babies? What should I expect for life without a baby in the house? Besides taking all the baby gates down. Can I get a hallelujah for that one? :)

What's Another One....

Adding baby Eloise to our family has been so much fun, but I think the fun is yet to come!

She gave me her first gummy legit smile today and my heart is freaking melting, people! I LOVE when babies get interactive and start exploring the world. Seriously, the BEST time ever. Everyone who tells you newborns are hard, the first year is the worst, they are simply liars. The first year is the most magical year! I absolutely love it...can we have another baby now? Ok, calm down people, I'm not pregnant.

So at almost 2 months old, I have officially been on my own with 4 kids for a month now. Every day, all day, just me and the munchkins. It's been...interesting.

Some days are beyond exhausting. Especially when Jack is having a rough day. I also tend to over schedule in the summer I've realized. I want to be outside and at the parks all day, every day so we've had a play date, pretty much every day in the past month. It's been fun but tiring.

Some days are very relaxing. I have a lot more energy than I did when I was pregnant so when the kids are chill and playing nicely, I manage to cook, clean and do a project or 2. It's been nice. We are still slowly ticking off the list of house projects we need to do before we rent or sell this place so I feel like we're always doing something but it's been fun.

Overall, Eloise is an easier baby then any of the others. Obviously, it's not hard to beat out the twins. Ben was super easy, but now that I've seen another personality, I look back on Ben and think of what a wild and crazy kid he was, even from the beginning. He was always full of spunk, joking around, pranking. He is going to be that popular kid in high school who always has a joke to share with the class...and ends up in the principal's office. Just watch.

But mostly, she eats, she sleeps, she shares a little smile or 2 with us from time to time.

She loves our 4 year old swing. She just hangs out all day.

If she is fussy, I throw her in a wrap or sling and she is happy again. Very easy. We have just loved having this little red head in our family!

But having 4 kids is loud and crazy. Our house is rarely quiet. I know I have some friends who love early morning or bed time with their kids. These are hands down the most stressful times in our day! And soo loud! Everyone is wanting something and yelling and fighting.

But when all the crazy ones are asleep, and in the summer when the sun is still setting, I get a few quiet minutes with my sweet new girl, rocking her by the window.

and now I want 10 more babies just like her.

So sweet.

Pregnancy 3-Baby 4 Update!

I haven't written much about being pregnant with this little girl so I thought I would share a bit of how thing are going now!

First of all, let me say. People say everyone's pregnancy is different. I would like to say, every pregnancy for everyone is probably different. I don't think I could have had 3 more different pregnancies. Each has had their ups and downs but from cravings to symptoms, each has been very different.

The twins, I was sick, miserable, moody, and in a lot of pain from the quick growth. Hands down, my worst pregnancy! Sorry twinnos, but it's the truth. I was MISERABLE. 6 months of pure misery from day 1 until they were born. I spent a lot of time on the couch, sipping ginger ale, wondering how I would ever be able to get up for work. Then I would puke all over myself and HAVE to get up to get dressed and ready. Yea, that happened. Daily. Ugh. just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

Then came along Benjamin. A little sooner than we had anticipated but I was ready to have a panic attack thinking I was going to go through another miserable 6-9 months. He proved us all wrong and I had the world's best pregnancy I think. I had a few waves of nausea but never threw up. I had a few afternoons I was happy to nap with the twins, but never felt so exhausted that I NEEDED the nap. By the 2nd trimester, if I didn't have a belly, I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant. Symptoms=none. He gave me a bit of stress (from the twins history and from being inactive) and we had a few more nonstress tests towards the end then I would have liked but other than that, he was a breeze. He never slowed me down. I went to Disneyland at 27 weeks pregnant and wasn't phased at all by all the walking. I hardly gained any weight because I had no cravings and plenty of energy. Dream pregnancy people. Be jealous.

Now third time around, I was thinking I knew the ropes. I was hoping for a pregnancy like Ben's but from the start, it seemed a lot more like my pregnancy with the twins. It hasn't been quite as bad but I was nauseous for a solid 15 weeks. When that finally wore off there was about a month of sickness (please note I had no voice in the gender reveal video because I lost it...for 3 weeks). So finally everyone is healthy, all is going well, and this little girl decides to have the growth spurts of all growth spurt which totally knocked me on my butt. I was concerned something was wrong but no gestational diabetes, and no issues, she just gained 3lbs in 8 weeks, which for the 20-28 week point is A LOT to gain. My weekly emails said she should weigh 2 1/4lbs and the ultrasound says she is closer to 3 1/2lbs. It almost made me feel better to know she had grown so much, like it justified why I had felt like the life had been sucked out of me for the past few months. I have been tired, constantly hungry, cramping and lots of belly stretching and discomfort. I've been worried it might be preterm labor signs but luckily, it seems to just be the making of a big baby...which I've never experienced ;)

The worst part of this pregnancy has been the eating! Which I can tell by the 20+lbs I've gained. I started out thinner this pregnancy so expected to gain more than the 15lbs I had gained with Ben, but still...I'm on track for about 30lbs of weight gain which doesn't make me very happy, but it is what it is and I just can't seem to eat enough to keep up with this girl! If I don't eat enough I get nauseous and exhausted, and with 3 kids to keep up with, I just can't not eat and be sick. I am trying to eat small meals and snack but with crazy cravings, my food has been all over the place. Some weeks I eat so healthy and light and some weeks, I eat nothing but bread. Here have been some of my favorites lately...and darn you girl scouts for catching me when I'm at my weakest!

As you can see, not the best diet. But fresh veggies are pretty blah in my book right now. Fruit I have been able to tolerate but snack foods like chips and dips have been my best friends.

This was 2 weeks ago. I think I've popped out another inch since then. I kind of want to start a baby poll and take bets on how big this baby will be ;) I'm hoping she either calms down the growth spurt or I can hold a baby that big in until full term. I don't have a good track record for big babies. Only time will tell. I'm packing my hospital bag already though and hoping to have everything baby ready in 5 weeks for when I hit 35 weeks, just in case she does decide to come a little earlier. Fingers crossed to make it past 37 weeks!

So that's what's going on with ME lately. If you haven't heard from me, I'm probably eating. Or making more granola...and then eating it all in a day or 2. What have you been craving lately? Anything good I might like? ;)